मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

देखो, तो भीड़ बहुत है, 

सोचो, तो यहाँ ज़िन्दगी अकेली है।

मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

भीगे से रास्ते, उलझते से जाते हैं,

लोग बेहिसाब फिर भी बेफिक्र चलते जाते हैं।

कहते हैं, ज़िन्दगी बहुत तेज़ गुज़रती है यहाँ;

हमेशा एक अजनबी बन कर रहती है।

पर एक लम्हा जो थम जाए

तो ज़िन्दगी ही, सबसे करीबी सहेली है।

मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

लेहेरों में उठ कर सागर,

रोज़ मुंबई से मिलने आता है।

किनारों पर लगा रेला लोगों का,

सुकूं इसी से पता है।

सुना है.. इस शहर में लोग मंजिलें पा लेते हैं।

देखा है.. की मंजिलों की तलाश में आदमी खो जाता है।

कुछ तो राजा हो जाते हैं यहाँ;

कुछ ने हर साँस अपनी एक भोझ-

एक सजा सी झेली है।

मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

सपनों का शहर ये, 

रातों में जागा करता है।

जगमगाते रास्तों पर मस्ती में;

बेरोक भागा करता है।

धुंध, हाला की दुनिया में,

खो सा जाया करता है।

रात सोचो तो दुनिया मुठ्ठी में,

सुबह जागो तो खाली हथेली है।

मुंबई, ये शहर नहीं पहेली है।

इस शहर से इश्क मुझको भी क्यूँ होने लगा है?

क्या तलब है ये, भीड़ में खो जाने की?

या कोई ख्वाहिश, अपना मुकाम पाने की?

डर है.. और भरोसा भी।

क्या करें की आदत अपनी है,

ग़लत जगह दिल लगाने की।

 

तो फिलहाल तो ये मुंबई आमची होने को है।

ये मुंबई... जो शहर नहीं पहेली है।

ये मुंबई... 

जहाँ देखो तो भीड़ बहुत है;

और सोचो, तो ज़िन्दगी अकेली है।।

A sense of separation.

We both had it, dwelling in our head; It was evident in our behaviour- A sense of separation. It was my decision, to which she agreed with a guilt, of a fault she didn't know of. There was none.

"I cannot believe that we won't be talking anymore." she said half laughingly. May be she was afraid. I was important to her.
"That was the plan." I said maintaining a firm tone. " That I will leave, before you realize." I smiled with a heavy heart.

We sat quiet. She had this mind that used to cease at a single point, when given stress upon. She wanted everything to get normal, like it always happened after our brief disagreements.

We talked about meaningless things. Like, what will be missed. How she will never forget me... And will make use of every chance to get back to me. I asked her about that gift she was to give to me- a journal, leather bound, with something written by her on the last page. She said she will buy it from her first salary. We talked- like we were talking for the last time. We were, we realized.

I gave her the dress she once said she liked, when we were window shopping at Rajpur road. She loved dresses. She brought some food for me that she cooked herself, in earliest part of the day. I used to keep asking her to cook something for me someday,when during our telephonic conversations she used to tell that she cooked this and that.

After a while, she left with her boyfriend. We gave an awkward hug to each other that sealed our act of separation.

She called, while I was boarding the bus to leave Dehradun. I didn't answer. She messaged "How was the food?" I didn't reply. It was delicious.

We were best friends, wanting to be the same forever; till I felt otherwise.

An Incident.

We left the place. She dragged me out, pleaded; else I don't know what would have happened. I was angry- furious. As we reached her place, I placed myself on the couch; contemplating all that happened, all that they said about her- how offensive it was- How can they? My anger was stuck to my face. It wanted to come out. "We shouldn't have left." I said.


She sat beside me; smiled, held my hand and said, " It's not just them who offended me- n you. Every second person in that crowd, in that lynch mob, speaks the same in his mind. They discuss the same in groups. You can't fight them all. I don't want you to. One like you, I cannot afford to lose in these petty fights. Calm down Pushkar, please- for me."


Words they said were resonating. I believed that they should be taught a lesson; not realizing how weak a person I was infront of those beastly men. I wanted to fight. She was still holding my hand, looking at me, expecting a smile- smiling.

"How can I calm down? How can you be this calm? How can you ignore this.. this shit?" I burst out. She shouldn't be that weak woman who let the wrong to happen to her, who doesn't retaliate. She shouldn't be, I thought.


She sat quiet- staring through me onto something her senses captured in her past. She began, abruptly breaking the silence.

"Remember that movie- Guzarish? A bee sat on Ethan's face. It was annoying; he tried to flew it away. He moved his head right and left- up and down in anger. He was restless. But soon, he discovered his helplessness. n after that I remember his face with a bee sitting on it. You remember that smile? That calmness?"
She looked straight into my eyes, "You see the same on my face. A certain sort of calmness, patience just come along, when at point in life you meet helplessness. This is India Pushkar." She took a pause, "To know how I can just ignore, and maintain my calm, you have to take a rebirth and grow as a girl in India.. or have to become handicapped!"


We sat in silence. I kept on thinking... What in her life she would have been through? I was angry on everyone who made her feel helpless, on the world, on God- & myself. At some point of time, I slept- in her arms.

I don't really know my brother.

I don't really know my brother.
As we grew, we grew apart.
But he loves me,
I have always believed in my heart.
Mom also says, it just happens with age,
They don't show..
but they do.
Dear, your brother loves you.
 

And then, today only mother said..
Men can be beasts-
Our pain can become their feast.
She said,
they can be in any cover, have any face.
My dear daughter.. Stay vigilant, stay safe.

Safe from whom? I wonder,
Those beasts in men's skin.
Must also have kith and kin.
Have mothers and sisters..
Who would think, they love them.
Considering them men- good men.
Loving them too...
And then... These things they do!!

And so it scares me,
That I don't really know my brother...

"God, may he the best of men and good for women, gentle n humane, against evil... n then, may there be many like him."

To Give a Fight.

If only I could speak;

there is something I must say to you.

I just wish; if you will magically read my mind.

will you?

As I lay here, feeling you beside;

I'm actually giving death a fight.

And dear, I must-

even if dying is the easiest way out.

& surviving in this world the hardest.

I must-

For our love shouldn't be blamed

for the wrong done to me.

I must-

For you shouldn't blame yourself.

Dear, what matters is, that for me;

you gave them a fight... 'You gave them a fight.'

And in fights people do lose- as badly as we have.

but the courage- is in fighting.

Courage- is all that matters.

I must survive- Dear, I must.

so that we fight- once again.

Against them, against all evil;

together-

this time, having all the good world with us.

"Evil will fall,certainly; only when the good will have the courage to give a fight."